Day Three

Yesterday afternoon my dad kept me busy, by having me help him build our marquee. We have everything set up for it…But it apparently needed to be remeasured, rebuilt and rescuered…it didn’t. He just wanted an excuse to make me use some power tools and hammers. And for a little while, I felt better. I just don’t know what to do or how to get past this. It just hurts so damn much. While I was waiting for him, loving him, caring, committed and faithful…he was flirting and then fucking someone else. Just…how does anyone that cheat, live with themselves? … Continue reading Day Three

Day Two

It still feels very unreal. It’s just so difficult to reconcile the man I thought I knew and loved, with the man that’s cheated on me twice and lied to me, throughout our entire relationship. I’m angry, hurt, disappointed, lonely. I miss him. I miss our life. I HATE that he’s ruined it. And for what? Cheap sex with someone, that he claims to have not even…if it wasn’t worth it, why do it a second time? In our bed!? How do I get over this? How do I stop feeling like this? Because the person I want comfort from, … Continue reading Day Two

Day One.

So…yesterday was Day Zero, I guess. My boyfriend, the man I planned on spending the rest of my life with, cheated on me. Twice. With the same woman. I found out, obviously. And…I just don’t know how to do this. How to…well, do anything. It just hurts so damn much. I keep asking myself, ‘what did I do wrong?’, ‘what did I do to deserve this?’, ‘why would he do this to us?’. He regrets it. He’s sorry. But…He did this twice. Willingly. He says he didn’t enjoy it, or get satisfaction either time…but he still did this twice, anyway? … Continue reading Day One.

Unfamilied.

I’m very close to my parents. I used to be very close to both of my brothers. But lately…well, for a few years now, the bond and closeness that once was there, just isn’t anymore. My 2 brothers are still as close as ever, but I very much don’t fit into their closeness. And honestly…I do feel very excluded. And yes, it really did used to bother me. Now, it just makes me laugh. They’re getting tattoos for one another, they talk all the time, spend time together. Know things about each other. I highly doubt either of them could … Continue reading Unfamilied.

I’m not one of those…

I read an interesting (read: insulting, biased, dickish, douchey – because I’m none of the ideal things) article a few days ago. Basically, explaining what women should do/wear/behave to make themselves appear more attractive. So! We seemingly shouldn’t have chips or smudges in our nail polish manicure…ever. Which is hilarious to me, as my nails are always chipped – I use my hands, funnily enough. And when my nails are painted, they’re ridiculous colours. Sexy, matching underwear is apparently a mandatory rule. Another hilarious one. Yea…I’ll stick to my neon sports bras, tshirt bras and ‘nerdy’ boxer shorts, thanks. Knowing … Continue reading I’m not one of those…

9/6/17

Today isn’t a great day for me. The 13th won’t be either. Nothing will ever change that fact. But again…it is more bearable than it has been in past years. I’ve still escaped away to be alone and just think. Popped Placebo on. I usually go back to the instrumental playlist…but Placebo always calm me down, while also making me feel…happier. A little less melancholy, despite Brian & Stefan’s legacy as melancholists. Placebo ease some of the sting of the day. Talking, just daft banter, with friends helps too. As they engage me, and 1 is managing to get me … Continue reading 9/6/17

Soulmate…dry your eyes…

So…this month doesn’t feel as awful as it usually does. Don’t get me wrong, I still despise June. It is not a good month for me…but…it’s been…more bearable than in previous years. I think that’s down to the fact that I’m kept busy, but also because I have some amazing people around me now. That are there to listen to me ramble, watch movies with me, laugh with me, and just…make my awake time (which can last days at a time) less dark and depressing. I still prefer the oblivion of sleep, especially if I manage to not dream. But … Continue reading Soulmate…dry your eyes…