Playlist Chat

•June 15, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Okay, so as we’ve established before, I listen to a lot of music. Usually when I game, unless I really like talking to you. So yea…Cy heard me humming along to some music while we were playing Overwatch (obviously I love you Cyanyde, we only listen to the music because you like listening to it too =p), and she wants a quick rundown of the playlist I use most.

Which is my…ah, charmingly titled ‘Snipin’ ‘nd Fuckery’ – oh yea, this blog probably isn’t for you know, decent people. Anyway! Okay, so…I snipe a lot, and I am extremely reckless…let’s see if this playlist helps to answer the ‘why does Sar drive off of cliffs a lot?’/’How the fuck did she get a 7.00 k/d ratio…? When she’s shit.’/’Why can’t you heal me!? YOU ARE A HEALER! YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A PROPER GUN!’ er…questions. – All actual questions either put to me, or I know you’re secretly wondering.

The playlist is actually 17.9 hours long, with 270 tracks. Let’s do the top/most listened to…15?

Obviously I’m not gonna embed the videos, as jeez…that would be annoying. I’ll provide links, ’cause I’m awesome like that.

In no particular order:

Aiden – Killing Machine. I just really like Aiden, wiL/William’s voice makes me very happy. The rhythm just psyches me up.

cKy – A#1 Roller Rager. cKy feature a lot on this playlist, and I frakkin’ love this one. It’s totally not what I hum on the rare occasions I manage to pull the #1 spot. I’m cocky as frakk behind a controller xD awesome band, awesome track.

Enter Shikari – Ghandi Mate, Ghandi. I frakkin’ love this track, how it’s an argument…and I might just really love Rou Reynolds – he always sounds so intense.

Avatar – Hail the Apocalypse. ‘All flesh is equal when burnt’ – do I really need to say more? How about that fuckin’ riff then?

The Mad Capsule Markets – Pulse. So underrated, and the perfect song for when I’m about to be reckless xD

You Me At Six Featuring Oli Sykes (Bring Me The Horizon) – Bite My Tongue. I’ve always found this song incredibly sexy – I believe Ian can confirm this, I went through a phase where I played it on repeat for days on end. Awesome track.

What # we up to…? 6. Okay.

The Birthday Massacre – Blue. Again, another band that feature on the playlist a lot, but this has always been on of my faves, as Chibi shows just how amazing her vocal talents are. Also, the music video is awesome.

Trivium – Like Light to the Flies. Dude, how awesome were ‘old school’ Trivium? Love to listen to this one while Icebreakering on Destiny =D

Bitch Alert – Late Night Lullaby. BA were another completely underrated band, there’s about 10 tracks by them on the playlist, but this one has always been my favourite.

Alkaline Trio – We’ve Had Enough. Cy, this is the one you had me repeat =) like 7 times.

Nine Inch Nails – The Hand that Feeds. Okay, so I was stuck between choosing this one, March of the Pigs, Closer, The Day the World Went Away, and a few others. This won. *shrugs*

Amen – Price of Reality. Dude. Casey Chaos. Need I say more? The original video is frakkin’ amazing too.

Treyarch Sound Featuring Elena Siegman – 115. How awesome were the original zombie maps though? Der Riese – I can still remember the entire layout of that map. Verrückt too, we had so many laughs on that map! I miss Cod zombies.

Plastic Tree – Ghost. Dude. Just…frakk yes, okay? Ryūtarō, take my soul, you beautiful fuck.

American Head Charge – Just So You Know. This used to be one of my favourite songs ever, and just had to include it, as it came on while I was Overwatching last week, and made me fall back in love with it.

And #16. What, you didn’t really think I was gonna make ANY musical list, and not include Placebo, right?

Placebo – One of a Kind. Because come on! It’s Placebo!


I enjoyed listening to all that, pretty much on repeat. Erm…might do more, see how Cy likes these ones =)

If you read this far…you’re crazy.

Overwatch? Overthinking & Support your Support!

•June 12, 2017 • Leave a Comment

New season on Overwatch…

And woah. It is not going well for me. Usually (as in the past 4 seasons) I rank platinum. Until last night. Went through my placement matches (7 of which with my OW bestie, thank you R!), and honestly…I sucked. Like…I think there was 1 redeeming match where I played semi well as Ana (my support main anyway). Otherwise…seriously, I was doing everything wrong. Making stupid mistakes. I mean…I was being (deliberately) distracted…but…I’m usually good under pressure or while being distracted.

So yea. I’ve ended up barely scraping into gold, which sucks. As I need 500+ for my next gold weapon. So Imma be working on getting into platinum, which is gonna be loads of fun -.-

I always have problems when playing comp, as I like to try to understand the current game/season meta. So that I can understand which way the enemy are likely to play, while also being able to use the meta knowledge in my hero picks. ‘Cause honestly, I’d much rather just play the heroes I main (Zarya, Ana, Tracer, Mei, TrashMouse), but those characters aren’t always viable – especially with the rest of the teams picks.

It’s probably why I prefer playing with a friend, as I know they’ll back me (and I them), and that at least 2 members of the team will be working together. As…I’ve found on PSN, there’s very little team communication or synchronicity – which, I think, is 100% needed in Overwatch. It’s not a singleplayer MP experience, you need the other 5 players backing you – healing, tanking, buffing, etc. And no trickling!

Also…each heroes role. For instance, when I play Lucio – I flick between songs, because the speed boost is an awesome help for not just me, but my team. I will regularly leave the action, and head back towards spawn if there’s a tank that I think we need back ASAP. Now…I don’t know if that’s me playing Lucio ‘correctly’, but I find it works for me. I need the tanks up and running, so as to protect me! If you have support mains, protect your support! Mercy’s in trouble? She can’t rez or heal if she dies, so for me it’s obvious to try to take the heat from her, or better yet bubble when I’m Zarya thus gaining charge and then using said charge to help her. So when I play Tracer, I play her as a ‘botherer’. Meaning I try to frakk with the enemy support, thus distracting them from providing healing. I also try to distract the tanks, with small chip damage, in the hopes they’ll try to come and get me – thus removing the tank from protecting the healer(s) or giving my team an in.

I really need to practise with other heroes; Zenyatta, Pharah, Orisa, Rein (I absolutely suck at playing Reinhardt), Mercy (I doubt my rez decisions a lot), Jesse, Winston…I can kind of hold my own with the others, except for Hanzo (Cancer) and Widowmaker -.- but that’s preference, as I feel like those heroes need to stay away from the main action, whereas I prefer to actively take points or push the payload.

Does anyone else have the problem where they overthink every hero pick or action? ‘Cause that’s what I seem to be doing lately. I think it’s because I haven’t played OW in quite awhile, so I’m already doubting how well I’m gonna play, before I even get into the match. And then there’s the distractions. Like…I am loving them, trust me. But my rank? Yea, not so much. Dare I even attempt a match this evening…? xD


•June 9, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Today isn’t a great day for me. The 13th won’t be either. Nothing will ever change that fact. 

But again…it is more bearable than it has been in past years. 

I’ve still escaped away to be alone and just think. Popped Placebo on. I usually go back to the instrumental playlist…but Placebo always calm me down, while also making me feel…happier. A little less melancholy, despite Brian & Stefan’s legacy as melancholists. Placebo ease some of the sting of the day. 

Talking, just daft banter, with friends helps too. As they engage me, and 1 is managing to get me to chuckle, even. 

I still hate June. 

Soulmate…dry your eyes…

•June 7, 2017 • Leave a Comment

So…this month doesn’t feel as awful as it usually does. Don’t get me wrong, I still despise June. It is not a good month for me…but…it’s been…more bearable than in previous years.

I think that’s down to the fact that I’m kept busy, but also because I have some amazing people around me now. That are there to listen to me ramble, watch movies with me, laugh with me, and just…make my awake time (which can last days at a time) less dark and depressing. I still prefer the oblivion of sleep, especially if I manage to not dream. But all in all…it’s…yea, it’s bearable.

Erm…so yea, I just typed a whole loada stuff…but deleted it, as yea…I dunno if I’m gonna be okay with…revealing shit about myself, so completely. We’ll see.

Instead…let’s discuss Placebo.

I’ve managed to snag tickets to 4 of the UK dates in October, so far. I’m adding more on Friday – I’m a filthy addict, bite me.

This band complete me. Brian Molko is without doubt the most beautiful human being, both inside and out.

As someone with subscriptions, not just issues, some of their music…just speaks to me. Plus…when you’re at a Placebo concert – nothing matters. Who you are, does not matter. You are loved, you are accepted. Whether you’re male, female, or, as Brian would say, other or inbetween. Fuck gender, fuck sexuality, fuck race, fuck religion. Everyone is welcome – except for Trump and the Conservative party. Fuck those guys.

Let’s finish (as I have a date with Destiny) with some music…

Dude has no chill.

•May 22, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Chilling. Relaxing. So yea…how do you chill? What relaxes you? Other than the obvious, I mean…

Like…reading helps me to relax, but I usually get so involved or lost in the story and characters, that I end up tenser than when I started.

Writing helps me most, I think. I don’t mean blogging…although this is relatively pleasant too. Writing code, writing down ideas, writing fanfiction, writing short stories or scenarios (harks back to the ideas, I suppose) helps me to unwind.

But honestly, fanfiction probably helps the most. Why? Because I can write about already established characters, but twist and mould them to my own means. At the moment, I’m making my OTP play out a scenario I’m currently living through. I can’t exactly just out what is going on in my private life, because I wouldn’t betray the involved parties, but…writing – as though just about my OTP, making them live this instead, does help. It helps me to declutter my mind, while also giving me ideas and options, that would usually just be for the story…but some of the ideas are actually kinda good enough for me to use in my private life.

Makes no sense, does it? Oh well, it does to me. *shrugs*

I like writing, without having to build and create an entire universe of my own – I’m lazy like that 😉 in truth, I do enough universe building with my VGD, so it’s nice to just pop into existing worlds and messing around for a few hours.

But seriously, today I have had no chill. Like, at all. I’ve been wound up and tense as hell. So I grabbed the laptop and I’ve managed to churn out new chapters for all of my current WIP fics! Woo, stress!


You Don’t Need Words

•May 21, 2017 • Leave a Comment

So…I’ve written this, or something similar to it, dozens of times. On various journals, blogs, forums and in emails to friends (said friends are likely going to read this and roll their eyes so hard they give themselves a migraine. I’m watching you, damnit!). But you know what? It bears repeating. I’m not gonna lie, I get a bit in-depth (more so than I ever have before, actually), so this post isn’t for everyone. 

I have a thing for instrumental music. A big thing. See, everyone that knows me will often hear me humming or singing along to something – as I listen to music constantly, if I’m awake (hahaha, I’m always awake), then there is music playing. Now I can’t sing to save my life, just ask my loved ones or my gaming friends (sorry not sorry for my drunken singing). I cannot hold a tune, but what I lack in talent, I think I make up in enthusiasm! So the point in me writing all this? I love to sing, 99% of the time I will be singing along. I’m a bit of a contradiction, as I personally think I’m quite shy and withdrawn at times, but play my favourite songs? Frakk it, imma sing at you and probably seem really obnoxious. I’m not, I swear, I just get really lost in the things I love most. 

So now that you’re getting a feel for how much I love my music and singing along to said music, let’s introduce the concept of my obsession with instrumental music. 

When my grandma passed away, I didn’t sleep, I didn’t eat, I didn’t talk…I just didn’t function. I hid away, with my laptop, listening to the same few songs on repeat for literally days on end. I couldn’t listen to anything with words, because it hurt too much. I couldn’t play games, I couldn’t watch movies or TV, I couldn’t chat. I really just…sat on my own listening to these bands. Doing nothing but think and hurt. Anyway…the tracks I listened to most were – 

  • Echoes by God is an Astronaut. At .48 it was always as though I could actually breathe (same thing happens with another track, I’ll discuss shortly). I still have the same reaction, to this very day. As though I’ve had this weight on my chest, but we get to .48, and it’s like I can finally draw in enough air again. The composition of the song is just beautiful, but utterly devastating at the same time. Instrumental music, for me, is entirely for you to identify with and associate with yourself – something that sounds happy to me, may sound sad to you. Without lyrics there to help sway you, the interpretation is entirely down to you. This track, for me, is pure desperation, loss, loneliness and trying to frantically explain all of that. The last 50 seconds always feels chaotic to me, in the best way possible…as though you’re frantically trying to make someone understand something. They have to understand, before there’s nothing left for you to give them. As though it’s slipping from your grasp, and you’re clinging on for dear life. 
  • Quiet by This Will Destroy You. Just listening to this one right Now, I have tears in my eyes. It’s just…as though each instrument is trying to communicate to the other how alone it is, but how desperately it wants to be with the others…does that make sense? Like they’re all reaching for one another, hesitant…until we hit 2.16, and everything feels like it comes together. And it’s still devastatingly sorrowful. But as though…the music is trying to convey that it’s okay that it’s so damn sad, and that maybe it’ll always be this sad. But that it keeps going anyway. 

None of this is making sense, is it? I sound crazy. It happens a lot. Stay with me. 

  • beautifuluniversemasterchampion by And So I Watch You From Afar. This one is…odd. Because it is so upbeat and…happy sounding. It’s one of the very few “less morbid” tracks on this little list. And that’s entirely down to 3 people (A, I & M). Because each of them were my beautifuluniversemasterchampion’s when I needed people the most, without ever realising just how much I needed them. And I don’t have all of them anymore, but regardless…this song is about them, and how they each made me feel less like hiding forever more. It still makes me think of each of them, and feel thankful for knowing them. However briefly. For me…this song is entirely about friendship, it’s hopefully, it’s cheeky, it’s fun…it’s the antithesis to how I felt originally listening to it. These days? It’s pretty much the soundtrack for my life, because I’m so damn happy and…just ‘okay’/functional, all the time. 
  • MyBloodyJesusExplorerOnFire by You Slut! Again, an upbeat one. This one was actually my…”coming out of the darker thoughts” song…something about it screams of freedom to me, of driving my car (my beautiful Jack) a little too fast – feeling the air whipping my hair all over and…it’s so difficult to explain, but the air just feels…cleaner? Crisper. It’s like having a stinging burn, and this just soothes it. It’s my freedom, remember but don’t get lost in the hurt, song. 

I promise I’m not gonna list every track on the playlist (because we really would be here all day, possibly longer). I’m just touching on ones that are still relevant to me and that I still play or think about to this day. 

  • Fire Flies and Empty Skies by God is an Astronaut. This is another one that speaks to me of hope, of overcoming. The beginning is like asking a question or begging for help, and as we get to 3.30, it just sounds like an answer, or an offer of comfort to me. It’s another beautiful track, although all of GiaA’s music is beautiful. 
  • Your Hand In Mine by Explosions in the Sky. EitS actually featured on the original 2011 playlist quite extensively, but this track was always the one I remembered most. Erm…because it made me remember her. Playing cards, her inadvertently teaching me how to gamble. And it’s unbearable to listen to now. I don’t even keep the track on my iPod/phone/computer. I haven’t listened to it in years. I don’t think I could listen to it, in truth. I wanted to see EitS live, but…in the end, I couldn’t. Which probably makes me very weak. 
  • Drove Through Ghosts To Get Here by 35dos. This one really does feel like driving through ghosts…revisiting every memory, every feeling, trying to escape through them…just to reach the finish line. And you start slow in the memories (you know when you’re reminiscing, and your brain drags things up slowly at first) and it’s a bit…it’s uncomfortable initially, for me usually to stay focused. But it’s as though 1.50 onwards is when you finally hit the open road and you’re free. I go back to driving a lot – it makes me feel free (something I crave). The memories sort of flood through, hectic and breath taking. And it’s joyous, but painful and scary. And this song makes my jagged edges a little smoother. 

There’s a lot more I could list and discuss…but let’s not get too carried away here. I close with my favourite track…possibly of all time. This band also featured extensively on the 2011 playlist, but this final track…well, let’s just get to it, yea?

  • Critical Distance by maybeshewill. Easily the most beautiful thing I have ever listened to, in a life of listening to a LOT of beautiful (to me) things. This track is kind of confusing actually, as it does have an air of hope, if slight trepidation, to it. It’s initially repetitive, and that speaks to me of ploughing on – you keep going, you keep moving forward – with a slight shift at the 1 minute mark. Leading into me forever feeling like every doubt, every hurtful thing said or done to me, every person that ever said or made me feel like I wasn’t good enough, literally getting bitch slapped and blown away at the 1.23 mark. Because it’s as though it’s all just cast aside and my brain gets to 1.23 and until 2.50 none of it matters, because I am enough. For me. And I don’t care if that’s not enough for you. Once we actually hit the (almost) silence of 3, breaking into the utterly stunning reprisal at 3.07 – it feels like decades before the music kicks back in…and in those moments, referencing the breathing above, it’s as though I can finally breathe properly again. There’s something cleansing and purifying for me, whenever I hear this song. It just…it makes me happy-sad. So…happy-sad is when you remember the bad/sad times, but being able to see the best in it. So…I lost you, and I will never recover. It will never be okay. But when you were here, you made everything so much better, so much funnier. You made a lonely, really confused kid feel less like a freak, when their peers did nothing but either bully, mock or use them. You were the constant, the person that made me not want to just cut deep enough. This song hurts like…frakk. But it’s a good hurt, a cathartic hurt. 

And…that’s probably the most open and honest I have ever been here. 

Instrumental music doesn’t have lyrics, because there are not words – in any language – beautiful enough to convey what these songs are trying to say. You can express a billion different things without ever needing to utter a word. That’s why instrumental music is so damn vital to me. 

If you read this far, thank you. 

Warcraft. FML.

•May 20, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Dude, do you ever just wanna play Warcraft, despite not playing in over 3 years…? I went through a phase where I was pulling 8 hour gaming sessions on it, I wasn’t even in a decent guild! We were shit! But…the addiction was real.

Anyway! I was reading some Warcraft fanfiction, because well, why not? Yup. Totally. You’re gonna go read some now, ain’t ya? Message me for recs ;-p anyway! It just got me wanting to play so bad. Like…I miss my little Paladin, she was freakin’ awesome. I miss that gorgeous little BElf. And my Warlock! OhmyChuck, I used to love playing Warlock! I had a pretty badass Druid too, I went full RP with him…dude, I miss Warcraft.

So yea. Anyone actually reading this…? No? Frakker’s…but seriously, anyone wanna join me…? Anyone got a decent guild? Come RP with me, damnit! Actually, I just want more gaming friends in general – for Destiny, CoD, Day Z, Overwatch, WoW, diablo, and about 50 others.

So yea – I’m HerEvilRoyalty on PSN/XBL/Steam and WaywardAF#2152 on Add me, giggle with me, let me steal all your loot. =D