I’m not one of those…

•July 24, 2017 • Leave a Comment

I read an interesting (read: insulting, biased, dickish, douchey – because I’m none of the ideal things) article a few days ago. Basically, explaining what women should do/wear/behave to make themselves appear more attractive. 

So! We seemingly shouldn’t have chips or smudges in our nail polish manicure…ever. Which is hilarious to me, as my nails are always chipped – I use my hands, funnily enough. And when my nails are painted, they’re ridiculous colours. 

Sexy, matching underwear is apparently a mandatory rule. Another hilarious one. Yea…I’ll stick to my neon sports bras, tshirt bras and ‘nerdy’ boxer shorts, thanks. 

Knowing how to contour your face, wing your liner and match off your lipstick. I combined this section. 1. I genuinely cannot be arsed with contouring. This is my face, regardless of how amazing I could make it look, someone is eventually going to see me without all the glam shit. So fuck it, this is me. Don’t like it? Tough shit. 2. I wing the fuck out of my eyeliner. It just ain’t usually even, perfect and there’s always too much eyeliner around my eyes – again, fuck it, as I like it. Eyeliner for days over here. 3. No. I ain’t matching any of this shit, dude. My hair is blue, my eyeliner might also be blue, or it might be purple. And my lips can be whatever their natural colour is, as I prefer lip balm to anything else. – I suck at being a pretty girl, who knew. 

Wearing clothes to compliment your body shape/figure. I’m owl shaped. So…yea. Imma just wear these jeans, a band tshirt and a flannel, thanks. Don’t like it? It ain’t complimenting me right? Then don’t fucking look at me. 

Behaving like a lady – which included speech and the type of language you use. – another fucking hilarious one for me. As we know, I’m not very (read: at all) “lady like”. I swear like a sailor, I’m rough as fuck, I’ll drink whatever’s cheapest, enjoy a kebab with extra garlic and you can go fuck yourself if you don’t like it. 

Wearing heels – always strut your stuff, ladies. Hey, fucko. Wear what you want. What I like to wear, ain’t necessarily what you’ll like to wear or find comfortable. I can’t walk in Converse hi-tops dude, without falling over. So strut your stuff, hell yea…but do it in something you find comfortable. 

You know, let’s stop. I’m not shaming or against someone that can look fucking incredible, wear the right clothes, talk the right talk, walk the right walk…I’m just against being made to feel like an unsexy frump, because I don’t do any of these things right. I’m a little short, I’m not curvy or skinny or slinky – owl shaped, dude – I’m not pretty or sexy or classy. 

I talk with my mouthful of sweets or lollipops. I drink from the bottle/can. My underwear doesn’t match, my socks are always odd. My shoes are stupid colours and covered in heartagrams. My hair clashes with my eyeliner. I bite my lips when I’m nervous, so I rarely wear lipstick or gloss. My nails aren’t manicured/shaped, they’re a bit haggard and probably blue or black. My skin isn’t perfect, I have numerous flaws – Scars, bruises, marks, permanent black bags under my eyes. I am the opposite of everything the article considered attractive. And you know what? Good. 

I like me. For who I am, for how I look, for how I behave. Yea, I’m a bit crazy, socially awkward and I can be rude at times, I’m not pretty or sexy, I don’t even own a “little black dress”. I’m a complete mess. And I’m fucking delighted at that fact. 

Love me or hate me – but you’ll be loving or hating my imperfect face, dodgy clothing tastes, coarse language and acquired taste personality. Be you, whatever you happens to be. 



•July 11, 2017 • Leave a Comment

So! Night before last I played some OW comp, solo queue =( you can probably guess just how badly it went. I lost about 100 SR -.- bringing me down to low 2300’s. After a losing streak of 4 matches – purely down to the entire team (myself included) making stupid decisions, not utilising ults and of course, trickling. Also…Bastion, Widowmaker, Hanzo, Genji, Reaper and me as Zen, on attack, didn’t help much. I saw zero point in Mercy-ing, as everyone insta-died regardless of my healing input. 

So yea. Last night, I go on…and we win our first match, by miles. So I grouped up with one of the team – who is a Mercy main, and a bloody good one at that. And…I got back the 100 SR I lost, and then some! We had some brilliant matches, and won 95% of them =D 

Knowing you have a decent support backing you, is half the battle. We weren’t even communicating, save for group up/thanks (for heals), yet we played better than I play in a 3+ stack of all communicating players. Mercy main is my new bestie. 

We also got some really good teammates, that stuck together and took points or defended points together. Overwatch is a 1000x’s more fun when it’s actually being played as a team game. 

I just love Overwatch, yes, maybe a bit too much. 

Playlist Chat

•June 15, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Okay, so as we’ve established before, I listen to a lot of music. Usually when I game, unless I really like talking to you. So yea…Cy heard me humming along to some music while we were playing Overwatch (obviously I love you Cyanyde, we only listen to the music because you like listening to it too =p), and she wants a quick rundown of the playlist I use most.

Which is my…ah, charmingly titled ‘Snipin’ ‘nd Fuckery’ – oh yea, this blog probably isn’t for you know, decent people. Anyway! Okay, so…I snipe a lot, and I am extremely reckless…let’s see if this playlist helps to answer the ‘why does Sar drive off of cliffs a lot?’/’How the fuck did she get a 7.00 k/d ratio…? When she’s shit.’/’Why can’t you heal me!? YOU ARE A HEALER! YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A PROPER GUN!’ er…questions. – All actual questions either put to me, or I know you’re secretly wondering.

The playlist is actually 17.9 hours long, with 270 tracks. Let’s do the top/most listened to…15?

Obviously I’m not gonna embed the videos, as jeez…that would be annoying. I’ll provide links, ’cause I’m awesome like that.

In no particular order:

Aiden – Killing Machine. I just really like Aiden, wiL/William’s voice makes me very happy. The rhythm just psyches me up.

cKy – A#1 Roller Rager. cKy feature a lot on this playlist, and I frakkin’ love this one. It’s totally not what I hum on the rare occasions I manage to pull the #1 spot. I’m cocky as frakk behind a controller xD awesome band, awesome track.

Enter Shikari – Ghandi Mate, Ghandi. I frakkin’ love this track, how it’s an argument…and I might just really love Rou Reynolds – he always sounds so intense.

Avatar – Hail the Apocalypse. ‘All flesh is equal when burnt’ – do I really need to say more? How about that fuckin’ riff then?

The Mad Capsule Markets – Pulse. So underrated, and the perfect song for when I’m about to be reckless xD

You Me At Six Featuring Oli Sykes (Bring Me The Horizon) – Bite My Tongue. I’ve always found this song incredibly sexy – I believe Ian can confirm this, I went through a phase where I played it on repeat for days on end. Awesome track.

What # we up to…? 6. Okay.

The Birthday Massacre – Blue. Again, another band that feature on the playlist a lot, but this has always been on of my faves, as Chibi shows just how amazing her vocal talents are. Also, the music video is awesome.

Trivium – Like Light to the Flies. Dude, how awesome were ‘old school’ Trivium? Love to listen to this one while Icebreakering on Destiny =D

Bitch Alert – Late Night Lullaby. BA were another completely underrated band, there’s about 10 tracks by them on the playlist, but this one has always been my favourite.

Alkaline Trio – We’ve Had Enough. Cy, this is the one you had me repeat =) like 7 times.

Nine Inch Nails – The Hand that Feeds. Okay, so I was stuck between choosing this one, March of the Pigs, Closer, The Day the World Went Away, and a few others. This won. *shrugs*

Amen – Price of Reality. Dude. Casey Chaos. Need I say more? The original video is frakkin’ amazing too.

Treyarch Sound Featuring Elena Siegman – 115. How awesome were the original zombie maps though? Der Riese – I can still remember the entire layout of that map. Verrückt too, we had so many laughs on that map! I miss Cod zombies.

Plastic Tree – Ghost. Dude. Just…frakk yes, okay? Ryūtarō, take my soul, you beautiful fuck.

American Head Charge – Just So You Know. This used to be one of my favourite songs ever, and just had to include it, as it came on while I was Overwatching last week, and made me fall back in love with it.

And #16. What, you didn’t really think I was gonna make ANY musical list, and not include Placebo, right?

Placebo – One of a Kind. Because come on! It’s Placebo!


I enjoyed listening to all that, pretty much on repeat. Erm…might do more, see how Cy likes these ones =)

If you read this far…you’re crazy.

Overwatch? Overthinking & Support your Support!

•June 12, 2017 • Leave a Comment

New season on Overwatch…

And woah. It is not going well for me. Usually (as in the past 4 seasons) I rank platinum. Until last night. Went through my placement matches (7 of which with my OW bestie, thank you R!), and honestly…I sucked. Like…I think there was 1 redeeming match where I played semi well as Ana (my support main anyway). Otherwise…seriously, I was doing everything wrong. Making stupid mistakes. I mean…I was being (deliberately) distracted…but…I’m usually good under pressure or while being distracted.

So yea. I’ve ended up barely scraping into gold, which sucks. As I need 500+ for my next gold weapon. So Imma be working on getting into platinum, which is gonna be loads of fun -.-

I always have problems when playing comp, as I like to try to understand the current game/season meta. So that I can understand which way the enemy are likely to play, while also being able to use the meta knowledge in my hero picks. ‘Cause honestly, I’d much rather just play the heroes I main (Zarya, Ana, Tracer, Mei, TrashMouse), but those characters aren’t always viable – especially with the rest of the teams picks.

It’s probably why I prefer playing with a friend, as I know they’ll back me (and I them), and that at least 2 members of the team will be working together. As…I’ve found on PSN, there’s very little team communication or synchronicity – which, I think, is 100% needed in Overwatch. It’s not a singleplayer MP experience, you need the other 5 players backing you – healing, tanking, buffing, etc. And no trickling!

Also…each heroes role. For instance, when I play Lucio – I flick between songs, because the speed boost is an awesome help for not just me, but my team. I will regularly leave the action, and head back towards spawn if there’s a tank that I think we need back ASAP. Now…I don’t know if that’s me playing Lucio ‘correctly’, but I find it works for me. I need the tanks up and running, so as to protect me! If you have support mains, protect your support! Mercy’s in trouble? She can’t rez or heal if she dies, so for me it’s obvious to try to take the heat from her, or better yet bubble when I’m Zarya thus gaining charge and then using said charge to help her. So when I play Tracer, I play her as a ‘botherer’. Meaning I try to frakk with the enemy support, thus distracting them from providing healing. I also try to distract the tanks, with small chip damage, in the hopes they’ll try to come and get me – thus removing the tank from protecting the healer(s) or giving my team an in.

I really need to practise with other heroes; Zenyatta, Pharah, Orisa, Rein (I absolutely suck at playing Reinhardt), Mercy (I doubt my rez decisions a lot), Jesse, Winston…I can kind of hold my own with the others, except for Hanzo (Cancer) and Widowmaker -.- but that’s preference, as I feel like those heroes need to stay away from the main action, whereas I prefer to actively take points or push the payload.

Does anyone else have the problem where they overthink every hero pick or action? ‘Cause that’s what I seem to be doing lately. I think it’s because I haven’t played OW in quite awhile, so I’m already doubting how well I’m gonna play, before I even get into the match. And then there’s the distractions. Like…I am loving them, trust me. But my rank? Yea, not so much. Dare I even attempt a match this evening…? xD


•June 9, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Today isn’t a great day for me. The 13th won’t be either. Nothing will ever change that fact. 

But again…it is more bearable than it has been in past years. 

I’ve still escaped away to be alone and just think. Popped Placebo on. I usually go back to the instrumental playlist…but Placebo always calm me down, while also making me feel…happier. A little less melancholy, despite Brian & Stefan’s legacy as melancholists. Placebo ease some of the sting of the day. 

Talking, just daft banter, with friends helps too. As they engage me, and 1 is managing to get me to chuckle, even. 

I still hate June. 

Soulmate…dry your eyes…

•June 7, 2017 • Leave a Comment

So…this month doesn’t feel as awful as it usually does. Don’t get me wrong, I still despise June. It is not a good month for me…but…it’s been…more bearable than in previous years.

I think that’s down to the fact that I’m kept busy, but also because I have some amazing people around me now. That are there to listen to me ramble, watch movies with me, laugh with me, and just…make my awake time (which can last days at a time) less dark and depressing. I still prefer the oblivion of sleep, especially if I manage to not dream. But all in all…it’s…yea, it’s bearable.

Erm…so yea, I just typed a whole loada stuff…but deleted it, as yea…I dunno if I’m gonna be okay with…revealing shit about myself, so completely. We’ll see.

Instead…let’s discuss Placebo.

I’ve managed to snag tickets to 4 of the UK dates in October, so far. I’m adding more on Friday – I’m a filthy addict, bite me.

This band complete me. Brian Molko is without doubt the most beautiful human being, both inside and out.

As someone with subscriptions, not just issues, some of their music…just speaks to me. Plus…when you’re at a Placebo concert – nothing matters. Who you are, does not matter. You are loved, you are accepted. Whether you’re male, female, or, as Brian would say, other or inbetween. Fuck gender, fuck sexuality, fuck race, fuck religion. Everyone is welcome – except for Trump and the Conservative party. Fuck those guys.

Let’s finish (as I have a date with Destiny) with some music…

Dude has no chill.

•May 22, 2017 • Leave a Comment

Chilling. Relaxing. So yea…how do you chill? What relaxes you? Other than the obvious, I mean…

Like…reading helps me to relax, but I usually get so involved or lost in the story and characters, that I end up tenser than when I started.

Writing helps me most, I think. I don’t mean blogging…although this is relatively pleasant too. Writing code, writing down ideas, writing fanfiction, writing short stories or scenarios (harks back to the ideas, I suppose) helps me to unwind.

But honestly, fanfiction probably helps the most. Why? Because I can write about already established characters, but twist and mould them to my own means. At the moment, I’m making my OTP play out a scenario I’m currently living through. I can’t exactly just out what is going on in my private life, because I wouldn’t betray the involved parties, but…writing – as though just about my OTP, making them live this instead, does help. It helps me to declutter my mind, while also giving me ideas and options, that would usually just be for the story…but some of the ideas are actually kinda good enough for me to use in my private life.

Makes no sense, does it? Oh well, it does to me. *shrugs*

I like writing, without having to build and create an entire universe of my own – I’m lazy like that 😉 in truth, I do enough universe building with my VGD, so it’s nice to just pop into existing worlds and messing around for a few hours.

But seriously, today I have had no chill. Like, at all. I’ve been wound up and tense as hell. So I grabbed the laptop and I’ve managed to churn out new chapters for all of my current WIP fics! Woo, stress!