Day Three

Yesterday afternoon my dad kept me busy, by having me help him build our marquee. We have everything set up for it…But it apparently needed to be remeasured, rebuilt and rescuered…it didn’t. He just wanted an excuse to make me use some power tools and hammers. And for a little while, I felt better. I just don’t know what to do or how to get past this. It just hurts so damn much. While I was waiting for him, loving him, caring, committed and faithful…he was flirting and then fucking someone else. Just…how does anyone that cheat, live with themselves? … Continue reading Day Three

Day Two

It still feels very unreal. It’s just so difficult to reconcile the man I thought I knew and loved, with the man that’s cheated on me twice and lied to me, throughout our entire relationship. I’m angry, hurt, disappointed, lonely. I miss him. I miss our life. I HATE that he’s ruined it. And for what? Cheap sex with someone, that he claims to have not even…if it wasn’t worth it, why do it a second time? In our bed!? How do I get over this? How do I stop feeling like this? Because the person I want comfort from, … Continue reading Day Two

Day One.

So…yesterday was Day Zero, I guess. My boyfriend, the man I planned on spending the rest of my life with, cheated on me. Twice. With the same woman. I found out, obviously. And…I just don’t know how to do this. How to…well, do anything. It just hurts so damn much. I keep asking myself, ‘what did I do wrong?’, ‘what did I do to deserve this?’, ‘why would he do this to us?’. He regrets it. He’s sorry. But…He did this twice. Willingly. He says he didn’t enjoy it, or get satisfaction either time…but he still did this twice, anyway? … Continue reading Day One.

Unfamilied.

I’m very close to my parents. I used to be very close to both of my brothers. But lately…well, for a few years now, the bond and closeness that once was there, just isn’t anymore. My 2 brothers are still as close as ever, but I very much don’t fit into their closeness. And honestly…I do feel very excluded. And yes, it really did used to bother me. Now, it just makes me laugh. They’re getting tattoos for one another, they talk all the time, spend time together. Know things about each other. I highly doubt either of them could … Continue reading Unfamilied.

Dude has no chill.

Chilling. Relaxing. So yea…how do you chill? What relaxes you? Other than the obvious, I mean… Like…reading helps me to relax, but I usually get so involved or lost in the story and characters, that I end up tenser than when I started. Writing helps me most, I think. I don’t mean blogging…although this is relatively pleasant too. Writing code, writing down ideas, writing fanfiction, writing short stories or scenarios (harks back to the ideas, I suppose) helps me to unwind. But honestly, fanfiction probably helps the most. Why? Because I can write about already established characters, but twist and … Continue reading Dude has no chill.